I’ll be here all week!
A woman gets on the bus with her baby. The bus driver says, “That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen. Ugh!”
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down fuming. She says to man next to her, “The driver just insulted me!”
The man says, “You go right up there and tell him off — go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
….
What do helicopters eat?
Hella donuts.
….
A family of five free spirits is enjoying a Saturday morning at the beach. The eldest child, a twelve-year old, approaches her mother.
“Mommy, why is my name Lily?”
“Well darling,” the mother replies, “shortly after you were born, a lily petal fell on your head. It seemed a perfect sign, so we named you Lily!”
Satisfied, Lily went back to building a sand castle with her father.
Hearing the conversation her older sister just had, the middle child, Rose, becomes curious. She approaches her mother with the same question.
“Mommy and why am I named Rose? Did a rose petal fall on my head?”
“Believe it or not,” the mother replies, “yes, a petal did fall onto your forehead. We still have it saved in your memory book!”
Moments later, the third child approaches the mother. He very abruptly shouts “MRRRRRREHHHUHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
The father pauses from his diligent sand-castle building and yells, “GET BACK IN YOUR CAGE, CINDERBLOCK!”
(via Reddit)
